This brief story is about me — but it’s also about many of us.
You might recognise part of yourself in it.
Its October 2000, I'm 25 and I'm unhappy.
Nothing in life has taught me how to relax or feel happy & well.
Right now, I don't even understand why I'm not happy.
Constant emotional and physical tension feel normal,
I have some unhealthy coping habits like smoking.
I am surviving, definitely not thriving.
Then, something a friend says changes everything.
I am in the shabby but homely lounge in our shared house, it is a light place, big window, tatty carpet, saggy sofa, white, textured papered walls.
There is the rattle of pots and the smell of pasta coming from the connected kitchen and sunlight shafting in through the window.
I'm chatting about feeling unhappy (moaning if I'm being honest :-), with my very longstanding friend Geoff and he makes the simplest observation that leads me to a transformational life path.
Geoff is a bit of a joker, he is often light-hearted, he has dark hair and often a twinkle in his eye but when its important, he is always there for you because, aswell as the light heartedness, he has a kind empathic heart.
During the course of the conversation, he says
'you need to learn to relax mate',
the conversation moves on but afterwards those words have stuck, like a seed in my mind.
Over that week I wake up to the simple fact that I am quite stressed and I have no idea what to do about it
It is such a simple realisation but it leads me to sign-up to a Tai Chi taster class run by my amazing, soon to become, Tai Chi teacher Christie.
It is now a few weeks later, I am in St Mary's church hall in Cardiff in the UK, it's more modern than old, it's warm and spacious, the floor is a welcoming warm brown herringbone pattern. There are long curtains keeping the warmth in against the dark, cold, rainy October evening. The room is full.
We have a go at some of the simple movements in the class, and then Christie demonstrates the tai chi short form herself; the short form is a connected sequence of postures that flow from one into another.
I see Christie moving and there is this incredible watery flowing quality to her movements, they are so fluid and deeply relaxed but simultaneously they have this incredible robust, strong quality.
I have never seen anyone move like this, I am immediately drawn to it.
Looking back, something inside me just knows that this is what I need to be doing.
Over time as I practise, tension starts to leave my body and my nervous system settles. I start to feel lighter, healthier, and more grounded. My focus and confidence develops, as months pass and I feel the benefits, I start to practise more consistently. At times I feel truly internally connected for the first time since I was a child. This process continues and develops for many years, I become more and more well and along the way, Chrisie encourages me to step up and starts to teach me how to teach.
Im sharing this story with you for two reasons
Firstly because it shows that anyone can learn these things, even a total stress-head with hardly any body or emotional awareness :-)
And secondly because experiencing this transformation and the support and care of a committed skilled teacher is what inspired me to drop a successful career as a freelance web developer and dedicate my life to helping others.
Another time, if you come to class or start an online programme, you will be able to have a wry chuckle at the story of how I ended up allowing someone else to seriously undermine this inner-peace I had achieved and tip me back into reactivity!.
Don't worry, that story of making the same mistake twice (which resonates so much with many of us) is really about how these skills helped me to regain inner-peace and wellbeing in the most emotionally demanding of situations. It was the experience that gave me a deeper understanding of the the true depth and power of learning to release physical tension to regulate your nervous system & emotions. It is what showed me how you can learn to do it even in incredibly adverse circumstances.